Do you find yourself struggling to attain that elusive state of true, lasting happiness?
Have you tried chasing momentary pleasures only to end up feeling empty?
You’re not alone. Most people today struggle in the pursuit of genuine joy and contentment.
In this ultimate guide, I’ll reveal what real happiness actually is, why so many of us lose our way to it, and a simple formula to get you back on track to accessing that sweet inner river of peace and fulfillment.
Ultimate Happiness Guide – The Happiness Code
The main reason for unhappiness is not being able to understand what real happiness is. How can you find something you don’t know!? It’s the same with happiness. People think they know what will make them happy and so continue striving for more of it. Alas, happiness isn’t what most people think it to be! Luckily for us, it’s also not as elusive as some may think it to be. There’s a simple, clear code for it.
Anyone who uses the code can find the “real kinda” happiness!
What is Happiness? What it is not!
The first key concept to understand is that happiness is not the same as momentary pleasure.
Eating pizza, buying nice things online, binge-watching your favorite show…these activities undoubtedly bring moments of enjoyment.
You can expand it beyond – ticking boxes, getting your To-Do lists done, getting that promotion, more money, a relationship, that new spiritual experience – ALL of it comes under momentary pleasure!
This fleeting positivity soon fades.
“Real” happiness runs much deeper than superficial highs.
The word real is in quotes because it’s not something we can talk about, it has to be experienced.
It’s an enduring sense of joy, gratitude, and harmony that doesn’t depend on external conditions going your way.
This state simply is, always flowing steadily like a calm river.
What’s the Difference?
Momentary pleasure is as temporary as its name describes.
When you don’t get your fix of pleasure – whether it’s food, shopping, substances, goals, or stimulation of any kind – your mood quickly sours.
This is why chasing momentary joy always leaves people wanting more yet somehow less fulfilled.
True happiness comes from within, not from anything outside yourself.
It emanates from a state of inner peace, wisdom, and unconditional self-acceptance.
This is tremendously empowering, as it means your capacity for deep and lasting contentment lies in your own hands.
Why We Lose Our Way to Genuine Happiness
If inner joy is our natural state, why do so many people struggle to actualize it?
Simple – we succumb to mistakenly chasing outer highs instead of nurturing inner growth.
When we constantly look to food, substances, accumulation of stuff, and achievements for happiness, we lose touch with the unlimited inner wellspring of joy within us all.
It’s not that pleasure itself is bad, only that attaching our happiness to unpredictable outside conditions sets us up for instability.
Lasting fulfillment comes from mindfully cultivating positive inner qualities like love, patience, curiosity, and equanimity.
But most people are never taught the crucial skills of self-nurturing and spend decades trying to extract happiness from places it can never actually come from.
When we realize happiness emerges from within, we can redirect our efforts from fruitless grasping to consciously fostering inner riches.
Then joy arises naturally and ceases to be so elusive.
The Happiness Formula
Ok, so how do we switch our mindset and habits to allow sustainable inner happiness to emerge and bloom?
The key is to develop a dedicated daily practice of nurturing the roots of joy within yourself.
Here is the simple yet profound formula that unlocks lasting happiness:
O x [(C + E + P) – (J + I)]
Observe x [(Cultivate Curiosity, Expansiveness, and Playfulness – Let Go of Judgment and Impatience)]
Let’s break this down
Observe – Make a practice of consciously noticing your inner state – both positive and negative tendencies.
Observe without judging yourself. Self-criticism only creates more turbulence.
Gentle noticing is the first vital step to positive change.
The key things to observe are:
- Moments you feel curious and expansive with a sense of playfulness. Appreciate these small joys.
- Times you feel impatient or judgmental. Instead of criticizing yourself in these states, just notice them.
Cultivate Curiosity, Expansiveness, and Playfulness – Actively foster positive mind states that form the foundation of happiness.
- Look at things as if you know nothing about it and are truly wanting to understand, a.k.a. curiosity.
Interestingly, when you develop the skill of curiosity, you’ll see that it pays you in your outer world too! Harvard Business Review shares how curiosity helps at work in the article The Business Case for Curiosity.
- Allow for acknowledgment and acceptance of what is, as it is, a.k.a., allow yourself to be expansive.
Harvard Health would agree as it writes a blog titled Greater self-acceptance improves emotional well-being.
- Let there be lightness in how you hold yourself – thoughts and emotions, and how life plays out, a.k.a., playfulness.
…an increasing amount of research has demonstrated numerous positive effects playfulness can have on adults as well.
Adult playfulness has been shown to bear positive relations to indicators of psychological and physical well-being, such as life satisfaction or physical fitness
Some activities that could help you gain the above skills:
- Explore hobbies, adventures, or creative pursuits
- Practice finding everyday beauty and blessings
- Play lighthearted games
- Learn something new from a place of wonder – instrument, skill, language
As your sense of wonder and cheerfulness starts to organically grow from the inside, keep nourishing them through engaging activities.
Let Go of Impatience and Judgment – Catch yourself when you start to close down in impatience or criticism.
Gently guide your attention back to openness and expansiveness. Hold space for the judgmental part too that goes towards self-judgment.
Let it know you see it, you see that it’s helped you along the way. Let it also know that now you have better ways to do what it’s been doing all along – keeping you safe!
With practice, you’ll bounce back quicker each time.
Your aim is not to eliminate difficult emotions, but to cultivate more positive ones. The negative will start fading by itself as you strengthen happiness muscles with daily nurturing.
Result: By repeatedly bringing yourself back to receptivity, appreciation, and inner richness using this formula, over time you’ll notice old tendencies of grasping and shutting down begin to resolve.
In their place arises ever-deepening access to that sense of abundant inner joy, unconditional self-acceptance, and steady inner security.
And when we’re anchored from within, external pleasures become enjoyable garnishes without controlling our peace of mind.
We relinquish chasing and arrive at each moment complete.
Maintaining Your Happiness Practice
Like any skill worth learning, establishing lasting happiness requires dedication and patience to move from intellect into embodiment.
Be gentle and easy with yourself throughout the process.
Practicing even 5 minutes a day using the steps above will gradually reorient your mind towards sustainable well-being.
Over time you’ll intuitively carry the openness, warmth, and stability you cultivate into all areas of your life.
Let your curiosity guide you organically. The key is that your explorations uplift and open you in some way.
Consider working with someone who is where you want to be in life. For instance, if you want to be grounded, wise, expansive, playful, & joyful, find someone, maybe a coach, who embodies these.
Guidance can help illuminate blind spots and provide the nurturing support needed to heal and move forward positively.
With consistent practice infusing positivity into your days, you’ll steadily reset old neural associations designed to constantly seek happiness externally.
You’ll uncover the unlimited inner fountain of joy, contentment, and peace that awaits behind transient desire.
True happiness forever lies within, awaiting your willingness to attune inward and tend gently to your highest unfolding each day.
May the steps above help you unlock the glorious garden of calm delight beneath transient disturbances!
Time to Let Go of Achievement-Focused Metrics for Success
The truth is our culture has conditioned us to seek validation and fulfillment from external conditions like money, status, material gains, or stimulating experiences.
But these rewards only provide fleeting happiness spikes. The minute the experience changes, our mood crashes.
The key is recognizing the crucial difference between long-term, inner harmony versus short-term pleasure boosts.
True fulfillment comes from nurturing ourselves from within – not chasing outer fixes.
The good news is you CAN rediscover this inner fountain through consciousness practices even if you’ve struggled for years.
If you’re ready to deep dive into yourself, and redefine your life by redefining yourself, I’d love to see if I can be of support.
Book your Inner-Work Strategy Call with me to explore your current emotional and/ or relational struggles and put together a bit of a roadmap for your situation.
- Momentary pleasure is not happiness.
- The formula to happiness is simple: O x [(C + E + P) – (J + I)]
- Real happiness is available to everyone who learns and practices these skills.
- True fulfillment comes from nurturing ourselves from within.
Does this resonate with you? What practices help you drop the chase and realign with inner harmony?
Let me know in the comments below how this article landed with you, and if there are any questions or suggestions you have for me!
If you enjoyed this article, How Much Time Does It Take To Change A Belief? might be a good next read for you as it goes in-depth into how to change stuck beliefs.